SHE IS NOT A SLAG SHE IS JUST LOOKING FOR LOVE

When we were little girls we had this idea that we would meet “prince charming”, fall in love, get married, have babies and live happily ever after… The reality of meeting this prince charming and living that dream, which by the way we don’t fully comprehend, is a process and another story. What actually happens to most women is the dating, falling in love, giving themselves and their hearts away to a man they believe to be the one, only for it not to work out and repeat. After all that’s what you do when you like, then love someone. Obviously when we are growing up we don't really know who we are or what we want and tend to base our decisions on the men we want on ideals that we have absorbed through our parents, friends, and TV etc. The health of our self esteem and self worth will also be a factor which either allows us to pursue who we truly want rather than settle for any guy who shows us a bit of attention. If she is lucky enough to know her worth and loves herself completely chances are when she picks a guy it’s because she has seen exactly what she wants and has made no concessions whatsoever. If on the other hand she has low self esteem and needs to be loved or told she is special and beautiful then the livelihood of her making a poor choice is high. Whether a woman’s self esteem is high or low, there will be a few reasons why she chooses to sleep with a man. Either she loves him, really just fancies him, wants to keep him, or just wants to have sex with no strings attached. The notion of women choosing to have sex for the sake of their own physical pleasure with no strings attached is something that is frowned upon and society will happily label her a Slag. Even if she sleeps with multiple partners because that’s exactly how her dating life has panned out, she will still be see as a Slag. Everyone has a different idea on what is an acceptable number of partners to sleep with before being labelled a so called Slag. Even women themselves are completely okay with shaming another woman for sleeping with multiple partners, even if they themselves have done the same. And most men cannot stomach the thought of the woman they are dating sleeping with anyone, let alone multiple men, never mind the fact that their body count is usually very high. But in a mans world, it’s okay because they are men and they are the ones giving rather than receiving. These will be the same men who insist a woman sleeps with them because he wants and loves her regardless of whether he intends to commit to her or not. What her needs were for sleeping with multiple partners is irrelevant in societies’ eyes because she should have control and not sleep with every guy she dates, because after all she is a woman, right? Bullshit!!! Most of the women I have spoken to about this subject who have slept with multiple partners have the same reasons for why they slept with a man. They were looking for the one, looking for love. All she ultimately wants is someone who worships the ground she walks on and just loves her unconditionally. So she dates, falls in love, does what any adult does when they are turned on and has sex and perhaps she enters into a relationship or perhaps it ends. If it ends she starts again and there is nothing wrong with that. I want women to fully understand that you should never ever be made to feel like a Slag by anyone just because of their warped ideas of what a woman should and shouldn't do! Part of getting to know who you are and what you want is by actually trying new things, making mistakes, growing from thoseand living through experience. No human being should feel penalised for doing what is most natural to us. Any man you are dating who makes you feel like you are wrong because you have slept with multiple partners should be avoided like the plague because he will always make you feel less than you deserve. He does not have the emotional capacity to understand that a woman is not a porcelain doll or a sexual object that should be untouched and be of use to him and only him. You should feel comfortable enough to share how many people you have slept with out loud without feeling dirty or embarrassed. You are a human being with human needs and life is hard enough to navigate without having to terrorise yourself because of something so natural. Obviously it is very important that you protect yourself during sexual intercourse and put yourself first. When you find yourself sleeping with multiple partners without any protection or allowing a man to convince you that using a condom means he doesn't enjoy it then this is a problem and a clear sign that your self esteem and self worth is fragile, and it’s something you must address as soon as possible. There is help out there in the forms of books, counselling or psychotherapy. Your reasons for not protecting yourself sexually is also an indication that you will allow any fool to play with your heart and come and go as he pleases. This is no way to live and you deserve all things good in your life. You deserve to have fun sexually, date safely, protect your heart and give it to someone who deserves it. I always come back to my main point of self love and self acceptance. If you love yourself you will not feel the need to give yourself away in any capacity just because you need to feel loved or wanted or accepted or whatever. The decision to give any part of yourself away to another should be a conscious one. A decision that you make because you want to and not because you need to feel loved or beautiful or needed. All the love you need is inside you and all you have you do is take steps to address any hurts you have from your past, face your demons and start living from a place of completeness rather than lacking. Most of us women in this generation have all this freedom to be, do or feel whatever we want however we are trapped by societies’ ideas of who we should be and by our own warped ideas of what a woman should be. The simple truth is you are whomever you wish to be and can do whatever you want. Just ensure that you are whole, emotionally strong and focused on what you truly want without any concessions. Knowing your worth and loving who you are puts you on a level of being the boss of you rather than seeking permission to be you. So you are not a Slag, you are just looking for love or learning how to enjoy sex without emotional attachment and remember that the love you want so badly can come from you in abundance so go inside and feel it. I promise to write about how to love yourself next month. Much love and peace Sarah Martin